Monday, January 25, 2010
Thursday, September 17, 2009
"Please, teacher,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday."
"Well done. Who was that?"
"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST DEALS.'
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST PRICES.'
The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read 'MAIN ENTRANCE'.
"What words do you know?"
"Your purse or your life!"
Monday, September 14, 2009
Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
The teacher told the class the story of a man who swam a river three times before breakfast.
"Do you doubt that a good swimmer could do that?" asked the teacher.
"No, sir," answered Johnny, "but I wonder why he did not swim it four times and get back to the side where his clothes were."
Two rich ladies were sharing a taxi and talking about the high cost of going anywhere by taxi.
One of the ladies said,“Taxis are terribly expensive these days. The owners get a lot of money for nothing.”
“Yes,”said the other lady,“and the drivers get such big tips that they soon become rich. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.”
One of the ladies was smoking a cigarette. After a minute or two she said to the other lady,“Can you see an ashtray in this taxi? There isn’t one on my side.”
“No,”said the other,“there isn’t one on this side either. Driver! Where is the ashtray in this taxi? Why haven’t you got one?”
The driver, who had heard everything the ladies had said, answered,“Oh, just drop the ashes on the carpet--I have a servant who comes in and cleans three days in the week!