How you made your grandmother glad ?

how you made your grandmother glad ?

A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?"

"Please, teacher,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday."

"Well done. Who was that?"

"My granny."

"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."

"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"

Main Entrance

　　A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST DEALS.'

　　He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST PRICES.'

　　The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read 'MAIN ENTRANCE'.

Your purse or your life ?

At a court the judge is interrogating a mugg but gets into difficulty because the mugg is a foreigner who doesn't speak English. "Don't you speak English at all?" the judge asks. "Only a few words," replies the mugger.

　　"What words do you know?"

　　"Your purse or your life!"

The Looney Bin --- joke

The Looney Bin

　　Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"

　　The first inmate said, "God told me!"

　　Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

The Swimmer

　　The teacher told the class the story of a man who swam a river three times before breakfast.

　　Johnny laughed.

　　"Do you doubt that a good swimmer could do that?" asked the teacher.

　　"No, sir," answered Johnny, "but I wonder why he did not swim it four times and get back to the side where his clothes were."　

Rich driver?

　　Two rich ladies were sharing a taxi and talking about the high cost of going anywhere by taxi.

　　One of the ladies said,“Taxis are terribly expensive these days. The owners get a lot of money for nothing.”

　　“Yes,”said the other lady,“and the drivers get such big tips that they soon become rich. They ought to be ashamed of themselves.”

　　One of the ladies was smoking a cigarette. After a minute or two she said to the other lady,“Can you see an ashtray in this taxi? There isn’t one on my side.”

　　“No,”said the other,“there isn’t one on this side either. Driver! Where is the ashtray in this taxi? Why haven’t you got one?”

　　The driver, who had heard everything the ladies had said, answered,“Oh, just drop the ashes on the carpet--I have a servant who comes in and cleans three days in the week!

High and Low Voice

What's DC stand for?

An American teacher asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?"

　　The reply was "Washington DC"

　　On being asked what the "DC"

stood for, the pupils all answered：

　　"Dot com!"

High and Low Voice

　　“Can you explain to me what the difference is

between a high-pitched and low-pitched voice?”

　　“A high-pitched voice is

when my father scolds me；a low-pitched voice is when my father speaks with his

boss.”

Umbrella

A gentleman staying in a hotel left his umbrella in the hall, but he had
　　put on the handle a card on which was written: "This umbrella belongs
　　to a gentleman who can lift up a hundred pounds. I shall be back in ten
　　minutes." When he came back, he found, instead of his umbrella, another
　　card on which was written,"This card belongs to a man who can run ten
　　miles an hour. I shall not come back."

The future of women's clothing ?

09 09 09 Lucky numbers

Couples across New York are taking advantage of Wednesday's once-in-a-lifetime date - 09/09/09 - to tie the knot.
When Justin Allsopp, a 29-year-old child advocate, proposed to Barbara Fitzgerald, she already had the date in mind.
"Nine is my lucky number," Fitzgerald, 28, an attorney, explained.
The two also discovered that the Irish say the luckiest day to get married is Wednesday.
"I did some research and saw that there were two or three days that every culture agrees on as lucky days," said Fitzgerald, who will wed in Sandy Hook, N.J., near her and Allsopp's hometown.
"Nine, nine, nine is just lucky all around!"
The quirk of the calendar, which won't roll around again until September 2109, is considered especially auspicious for Chinese brides because the Mandarin word for "nine" sounds like the word for "long-lasting."
As one bride-to-be, Silin Trenh, 28, explained, "We picked [the date] because the Chinese meaning of the number nine is longevity."
Trenh, an office manager, and her fiancé, Thanh Von, a 31-year-old lab tech, who both split their time between Manhattan and Boston and are both Chinese-American, are planning a small ceremony at City Hall with their close friends and family, followed by a celebration at City Hall Restaurant.
The luck of nine isn't just in the sound of the word.
Nicole Lin and Joe Hill, 40, who both work with antiquities, explained that nine, because it is the highest single digit number, is associated with the Emperor of China and so will add an extra touch of class to their wedding day.
"We struck upon the date of 09-09-09 a little late in the game," said Hill, of Brooklyn, admitting the couple only picked the day about five months ago.
Thankfully, the last-minute wedding will work out.
The two chose to incorporate Lin's heritage - with an updated twist.
Though traditionally, the bride serves the groom's parents, Hill and Lin, who lives in Queens, agreed to serve each other's parents as a sign of unity. "We're serving tea to our elders," Hill said. Just to add an extra twist to the festivities at their Riverside Church wedding, the bride, who is in her 30s, will walk down the aisle in an antique Edwardian wedding gown sewn in 1909.

Who is happier

Tall people lead happier lives than their more vertically challenged peers, according to a new study which found that most miserable men are almost an inch shorter than average.
Researchers found that shorter people tended to be more dissatisfied with their lot in life.
The study interviewed more than 450,000 adults about how they viewed their life.
The volunteers were asked to place themselves somewhere on a “life ladder” and asked about their emotions.
According to the findings, people who were taller were also more likely to be positive about their life and were more likely to judge themselves as happy.
They were also less likely to feel a range of negative emotions, including sadness and physical pain, although they were more likely to experience stress and anger, and if they were women, to worry.
Men who reported that their lives were the "worst possible" were in general more than eight tenths of an inch, or two centimetres, shorter than the average height.
Women who viewed themselves as "on the bottom step" on the life ladder were shorter than the average woman by half an inch, or 1.3 centimetres.
There was also a link between height and education, the findings, published in the journal Economics and Human Biology, found.
Men who did not finish secondary school were found to be half an inch, or 1.27 centimetres, shorter than average and more than an inch, or 2.54 centimetres, shorter than the average height of those who had gone on to graduate from university.
However, there was no such clear link when it came to women, with just small differences in height.
The authors of the report, from Princeton University in New Jersey, conclude that the link between education, income and height mostly explained the link with happiness and life satisfaction.
The data was taken from the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index daily poll of the American population.

The red car is new

English : The red car is new.

Italian : L'automobile rossa è nuova.

German : Das rote Auto ist neu.

Chinese : 那辆红色的车是新的。

English : The blue car is new.

Italian : L'automobile blu è nuova.

German : Das blaue Auto ist neu.

Chinese : 那辆蓝色的车是新的。

English : The pink car is old.

Italian : L'automobile rosa è vecchia.

German : Das rosa Auto ist alt.

Chinese : 那辆粉色的车是旧的。

English : The yellow car is old.

Italian : L'automobile gialla è vecchia.

German : Das gelbe Auto ist alt.

Chinese : 那辆黄色的车是旧的。

The cat is black

English : The car is black.

Italian : L'automobile è nera

German : Das Auto ist shcwarz.

Chinese: 那辆车是黑色的。

English : The cat is black.

Italian : Il gatto è nero.

German : Die Katze ist schwarz.

Chinese: 那只猫是黑色的。

English : The car is yellow.

Italian : L'automobile è gialla.

German : Das Auto ist gelb.
Chinese : 那辆车是黄色的。

English : The car is blue.

Italian : L'automobile è blu.

German : Das Auto ist blau.

Chinese : 那辆车是蓝色的。

The car is blue

English : The car is blue.

Italian : L'automobile è blu.

German : Das Auto ist blau.

Chinese : 那辆车是蓝色的。

English : The car is white.

Italian : L'automobile è bianca.

German : Das Auto ist weiß.

Chinese : 那辆车是白色的。

English : The car is yellow.

Italian : L'automobile è gialla.

German : Das Auto ist gelb.

Chinese : 那辆车是黄色的。

English : The car is red.

Italian : L'automobile è rossa.

German : Das Auto ist rot.

Chinese : 那辆车是红色的。

The car is yellow

English : The car is yellow.

Italian: L'automobile è gialla.

German : Das Auto ist gelb.

Chinese : 那辆车是黄色的。

English : The car is white.

Italian : L'automobile è bianca.

German : Das Auto ist weiß.

Chinese : 那辆车是白色的。

English : The aeroplane is yellow.

Italian : L'aereo è giallo.

German : Das Flugzeug ist gelb.

Chinese : 那架飞机是黄色的。

English : The aeroplane is white.

Italian: L'aereo è bianco.

German : Das Flugzeug ist weiß.

Chinese : 那架飞机是白色的。

The bird is red

English : The bird is red.

Italian : L'uccello è rosso.

German : Der Vogel ist rot.

Chinese : 那只鸟是红色的。

English : The car is red.

Italian : L'automobile è rossa.

German : Das Auto ist rot.

Chinese : 那辆车是红色的。

English : The car is white.

Italian : L'automobile è bianca.

German : Das Auto ist weiß.

Chinese : 那辆车是白色的。

English : The fish is white.

Italian : Il pesce è bianco.

German : Der Fisch ist weiß.

Chinese : 那条鱼是白色的。

Cartoon pictures

fish - bird - swim 020

English : The bird is swimming.

Itlaian : L'uccello sta nuotando.

German : Der Vogel schwimmt.

Chinese : 那只鸟在游。

English : The bull is running.

Italian : Il toro sta correndo.

German : Der Stier rennt.
Chinese : 那头牛在跑。

English : The bird is flying.

Italian : L'uccello sta volando.

German : Der Vogel fliegt.

Chinese: 那只鸟在飞。

English : The fish is swimming.

Italian : Il pesce sta nuotando.

German : Der Fisch schwimmt.

Chinese : 那只鱼在游。